


Somewhere In-Between Where and Why

by ClaudiaRose



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Reylo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:42:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22067977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClaudiaRose/pseuds/ClaudiaRose
Summary: TROS SPOILER ALERT!!!The death of Ben Solo left an unimaginable scar on Rey's heart. But now she has a choice; move on from her soulmate and find peace, or seek him out in the most impossible of situations.Ben is stuck in an in-between world, held to the universe through the dyad's power. But is it possible to bring him back to reality?(Starting out with a general tag but may end up Mature or Explicit)
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Reylo, rey - Relationship
Comments: 9
Kudos: 48





	1. The Deepest Scars

It had been a hard few months. And as time passed the hole in Rey’s chest only deepened.

Few could say they had found their soulmate, even fewer had watched them die. The loss of Ben Solo had torn her spirit in half, and even though the war had been won, she had lost more than she could bare. The one person in the galaxy who understood her, a chance at a real family, and any real idea of who she was.

Rey spent almost all of her time in her small quarters; reading, meditating, but mostly she was just passing time. Even her friends began to notice and tried their hardest to brighten her spirits.

Finn understood most of all the pain she was in. After they won, he revealed to her that he felt the force. Rey had suspected so for a while but was glad to have someone to share those things with. His sensitivity to the force, however, allowed him tiny, untrained peeks into her subconscious. The first time he did, it was an accident.

They had been sharing some tea (a marvellous beverage that Leia had introduced Rey too during their training) which he suddenly spilled down his front, gasping for air and clutching his chest. For a split second, he had shared in her pain. A pain that could not be soothed by bacta or medicine. Only time. And a lot of it. Afterwards, they cried silently together. Finn, for his first friend who was in unimaginable pain. And Rey, for her lost future. 

After that, Finn made an effort to have lunch with her twice a week. He feared that the isolation would only darken her thoughts and drive her to something much worse than sadness. Rey was grateful for the company. Any distraction from her own thoughts was a welcome one. She only wished Finn would be more subtle about it. He always asked her about her mood and her feelings and how she slept and if she’d eaten, harping on her constantly. She knew she was unwell, struggling. But his attempts to ‘fix’ her were insulting. 

Poe and Rose accompanied him occasionally. Although, Poe couldn’t keep his mind on anything that wasn’t work. He was a member of the newly founded Galactic Republic; a politician, if you could believe it. Kindly enough, he did try to include Rey in his conversations. He seemed to value her opinion, even though she had no tangible experience in politics or lawmaking. He tried to teach her a few things but piling the feelings of ignorance and incompetence on top of her pre-existing battles only made her more anxious. Eventually, Poe grew quiet at the table.

Rey was surprised to discover that Rose’s company was the one she felt most calm in. Rose didn’t make any attempts to fix her or teach her new things, or even pretend that things were alright. She just let her sit, let her think. Sometimes Rose would even tell her stories to fill the silence. Rose told her of her sister, Paige, who died as a Resistance bomber. Of their childhood, their adventures with the resistance, all manner of things. But Rey enjoyed the moments of quiet with her. The days began to hurt less as her friends kept her distracted.

The nights, however, left her in ruins.


	2. Horrors Within

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's sadness affects not just herself, but the people around her.

The nights were dark, shut inside her quarters in silence. No wind, no footsteps. Just herself, and her spinning mind. Sometimes she thought she heard screams just as she was falling asleep. They made her jump out of bed, clutching her new lightsabre and bathed in its yellow light as she moved to investigate. She would open her door, poised for battle, to find it just as empty and dark and silent as the room she came from. 

When eventually sleep did find her, it was no respite. She was plagued with visions of a dark energy surrounding her, coaxing her towards evil. It whispered in her ear, asking her to help it by doing unspeakable things. And when she refused, it showed her images of her loved ones in pain. Finn bloodied and beaten. Poe in a crashed X-wing. Rose somewhere in between a mess of dirt and blood. And when she pushed further, it showed her him. So close she could practically smell him. But never touch him. As though she was in a transparisteel box, forced to watch on as he was torn to shreds before her eyes. She always gave in eventually, if only to look into his eyes for a moment.

She woke every night with a scream, her skin sticky from sweat and her cheeks salty from tears. Once the nightmare was over, there was no more sleeping. Rey had been surviving on 3 hours of sleep for months. If she thought it possible, she would never sleep again. The nightmares were too painful to endure forever. 

Rose had been patient, enduring Rey’s long silent periods and the sad look in her eyes. So, when she asked that Rey join her in watching a theatrical performance, she felt she couldn’t refuse. Rose even dressed her up, pulling together a semi-decent outfit from the items she already owned. Although not enthralled by the idea of leaving the comfort of her room, she was impressed with her friend’s efforts.

A sash was wrapped around her chest, over her usual bindings to create a textured top. Another few sashes in varying degrees of brown she draped over her hips to create a skirt and she adopted her old arm wrappings. The outfit was elegant, for scraps. The prettiest she’d ever felt. Rose even helped with her hair (which now hung hallway down her back) and some simple makeup. 

The pair travelled down the halls of the Galactic Headquarters, ignoring the shocked stares from onlookers. Rey could hear every word of what they whispered; however unaware they were. 

“That’s the Jedi.”

“I thought she didn’t leave her quarters?”

“Well, I thought she died.”

“I heard she was in love with Kylo Ren. Monsters, the pair of them.”

Rose shot every one of them a distasteful glare, but Rey knew better. She couldn’t make them like her or stop the whisperings. All she could do was keep her head down and not stir any trouble. Which is exactly what she did. 

The theatre hall was lavish and beautiful. Newly constructed in General Organa’s name. Every inch of the place covered in gold and velvet and the most luxurious materials. It was the kind of place Rey had only dreamed of being in, she had never anticipated actually seeing it with her own eyes. She smiled for the first time in weeks that day.

The girls took their seats. Rose had made sure the save only the best for them, the place where, apparently, the sound converged and consumed you. Rey sat and patiently waited.

“So, what’s this play meant to be about anyway?” She heard the girl in front of her ask her partner.

“It’s supposedly a condensed version of the war. Retelling it to inspire hope and confidence in the new Government.”

The smile dropped from Rey’s face as quickly as it had appeared. Rose noticed and squeezed her arms gently.

“Are you alright?” She asked in a quiet tone, the lights dimming to indicate the beginning of the performance.

“I don’t want to watch this…” Rey whispered back, pulling her arm from her friend’s grip. She knew where this would go. The only way it could go. The New Republic had painted Kylo Ren as the villain from the very beginning, and this would be no different. They were spreading a false tale to inspire their people. Fabricating a story about someone who could not defend themself.

“You can’t leave now. Just wait, you might like it.” She wouldn’t. She knew she wouldn’t.

The performance was ridiculous, but it reminded Rey that not everyone had been so close to the war. Not everyone had experienced it as she had. This made it easier to watch. The representations were so far from the truth that she could pretend it was all made up. It wasn’t until almost the end when she felt her stomach drop.

A short, skinny girl had been cast as her, with back acting skills and even worse swordsmanship. She made the average-sized man playing Kylo Ren tower over her, as he had. In this scene, a badly created version of the emperor was threatening the fake Rey. And in a second, the fake Kylo stepped out from behind him. He spurted out some rubbish about being an agent of darkness. Rey wasn’t really sure what happened next, only that she was standing, staring at the lifeless body of her soulmate. She knew it wasn’t him. He has been gone for months. But the figure shrouded in Black and laying still on the stage looked like a ghost. She must’ve screamed, every eye in the theatre was locked on her. Rose stood too, grabbing her arm and yanking her down the row of seats and just as quickly out the door.

As soon as the doors closed behind them, Rey crumpled. She fell into the wall, sliding down it until she was a puddle on the floor. She clutched her chest which ached harder than it had when her parents left. Her makeup was definitely ruined, tears and snot and spit spilling down her face. She felt as though she had been bottling her sadness for weeks, only for it to come flooding out of her now. The stares only worsened, and the whispers became louder. People no longer seemed to care if she heard them.

In that moment, her devastation mixed with anger which mixed with hatred which coaxed a blood-curdling scream from her lungs. Without meaning too, she created a wave in the force, knocking over everyone around her and shaking the entire building. Somewhere in the distance, glass shattered, and people exclaimed. The halls filled with people who had come to stare at the hysterical Jedi who mourned a monster with such ferocity she shook the earth. 

Rose tried her hardest to move her, get her away from the stares so she could figure out what was wrong. But in the end, it was Finn who was able to move her. He felt a tremor in the force from across the building and found her straight away, scooping her up in his arms and carrying her to her quarters. Out of sight. And for the onlookers, now, out of mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a little carried away with this one (but secretly really enjoy this kind of emotional stuff). I promise Ben is gonna rock up eventually, we're just laying some ground works first ;)


	3. Understanding

The room was silent except for her soft sobs. Finn had managed to calm her down enough that the room stopped shaking, but she still cried. It had been hours and yet no one had been able to calm her down enough to figure out what had happened. All Rose could tell them was that they had been watching the show, and suddenly Rey had screamed, frozen in place.

After Ben had vanished, Rey had explained their connection, that they were one. A Dyad in the force. But she hadn’t told them of the kiss they shared. Or how she felt when she awoke from death in his arms. Or how she ached for his touch in the night.

She couldn’t.

They would never understand.

But perhaps if she had explained, Rose would’ve seen how wrong it was to subject her to that ghastly performance. The incorrect telling of what they couldn’t know was a love story.

Through his glances into her, she was sure Finn knew. Though his hatred for Kylo Ren clouded his view. He could never forgive him.

Even so, Finn’s arms never left her. Even when his shirt was soaked through with her tears. His fingers brushed through her hair continuously, comfortingly, until she managed to compose herself. Sniffling and wiping her nose, she sat up straighter, pulling tighter the blanket that had been draped over her bare shoudlers. Poe and Rose shuffled closer, obviously keen to hear her explanation.

“I saw him…” Her voice was quiet, too low for Poe and Rose to hear. But Finn nodded and brushed a thumb under her cheek to catch a tear.

“It wasn’t real, Peanut. He’s gone.”

“I know that. I know.” Louder now, she looked up into Finn’s eyes. “But I saw him.”

“Maybe you just imagined it?” Rose chimed in, determined to make her friend feel better. “You have mentioned seeing things before, maybe it was one of those times.”

“I’m not crazy!” Despite Rose’s soft tone, Rey snapped at her, teeth practically bared and eyes piercing through the space between them.

“You don’t know! You couldn’t possibly understand what I’m feeling, what I’m seeing. None of you could! Not even you!” Her head whipped around to face Finn. She had thought that Finn’s connection to the Force would be a good thing. But he still couldn’t look passed his hate and see what he was being shown. 

Rey paused for a moment, feeling bad for snapping at her only friends, even if it had to be said. But the more she thought, the more her lip started to quiver. The next time she spoke, her voice was quieter, calmer.

“Do you know what that pain was? The day you saw into me and spilled your tea. Did you understand what you were feeling?” She asked Finn, her eyes having dropped from his to stare into nothingness. Finn shrugged in response. Truthfully, her hadn’t put much thought into it beyond it being unbearable.

“That was the feeling of missing half of yourself. I didn’t realise until he was gone that I could always feel him. Even before I met him. It wasn’t conscious, I didn’t know. It was almost like…” Rey paused for a moment, trying to find some way to explain herself.

“It was like when you’re sitting quietly in a room, reading. And someone else is in the room with you. You’re not talking, not interacting in any way. But you’re both there, occupying the same space.” Having to put their connection into words helped. It no longer felt like some big secret she had to be ashamed of.

“And now?” Poe spoke for the first time that night, his curiosity getting the better of him. Rey looked up at him.

“And now that person is gone, replaced by a blackhole. And the room is on fire. And the doors are locked.” A rouge tear trailed down her cheek and she closed her eyes, determined to make them stop.

“Rey, we didn’t know, we just thought you felt bad-“

“We kissed.” Rey interrupted Finn’s explanation. No one said anything for some time. But Rey peeked into each of their thoughts. Unsurprisingly, Finn was burning Red hot with disgust and anger. Rose, who is excited by any kind of romance, approved, even if she didn’t love her choice in men. Poe’s opinion was the surprising one. She had expected it to be similar to Finn’s. But instead he showed a degree of understanding. He was a mature man. And despite his distaste for Kylo Ren the mass murderer, he could see that Ben Solo truly did live under the mask. 

“I know everything I’m saying is making me sound mad. And I know that you don’t believe that there was a man behind the monster. But he was there. And he was so beautiful.” Rey smiled a smile that made her cheeks hurt as she remembered him on his last day. All of Kylo Ren stripped away to show the boy that truly lived inside. And his smile that lit her from the inside. 

A voice snapped her out of her daydream.

“Gods, Rey! You’re delusional! He twisted his way into your mind and now you think he was some kind of saint? Maybe you are crazy?!”

“You didn’t know him.” Rey’s smiled had turned into a scowl as she slowly got off the bed.

“Oh, I’m so sorry I didn’t make time to get to know a mass murderer!”

“He was manipulated from birth.”

“And I was stolen from my family, what kind of excuse is that?”

“You have no idea what we’ve been through!”

“So, you’re ‘we’ now? That’s good to know.”

“If you could step out of your own sob story for one second you would’ve seen exactly how I feel. Now, then, whenever. You just refused to look and think that maybe other people have had a rough go of it too!”

“Don’t make this about me, it’s about you feeling sorry for a monster who murdered millions!”

“Get out!” Rey finally shouted at him, her entire body quivering with rage and sadness and betrayal. 

“Fine. But the next time you break down, I won’t be there to pick up the pieces.”

Finn left in a huff; Poe hot on his tail. Rose hung back, kissing Rey on the cheek before following. She stripped off her clothes and crawled into bed, praying for sleep. Even seeing his face in a nightmare would comfort her now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I think next chapter will be Ben-Central! (But also don't quote me on that, I crank these chapters out in one sitting and often get carried away). Let me know if you're keen to see any other characters pop up in here.


	4. Far, Far Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey decides to fight her own battles, away from the stares and whispers and her friends who now actively avoided her.

She didn’t tell anyone she was leaving. But they found out. She knew this because her Holo-pad would not cease its flashing, alerting her of missed transmissions. She ignored all of them; she had left for a reason.

Rey endured the stares for two days after her breakdown in the theatre. They had become worse, penetrating her with loathing and fear. And as the gazes took the attention of her mind, the force around her distracted her heart. She could feel the entire camp building with tension. Even could’ve sworn a group of men attempted to kill her once. In that moment, their fear was stronger than their loathing. She wished they had done it.

Ach To was just as beautiful and peaceful as the last time she had visited. Quiet, isolated, but that was what she needed. The huts she had stayed in were still there. The Caretakers had even tidied where Luke had lived, preserving his belongings. The wave of memories was surprisingly pleasant as she observed items familiar and foreign strewn across the small space. Luke had not been overwhelmingly nice to her, but he had been a strong and guiding presence in a time when she needed it most. 

Rey did not choose to stay in his hut, however. Or the hut she had occupied previously; it housed too many memories. Instead, she chose a hut on the far side of the encampment. As far from her past as possible. And coincidentally, closer to the place that had called her so long ago. She thought her choice had been her own but as usual, the Force was pulling the strings.

With her few belongings spread in her new home, she took a walk, needing to clear her head and figure out exactly what her plan was. Walking was almost like meditating, although the burn she felt in her calves was considerably less pleasant.

Isolation was what she needed first. To get away from the stares and whispers. But also, to escape the judgment of her friends whom she had so quickly alienated. She would have to contact them eventually, lest they decided to track her down and confront her themselves. She wasn’t sure what she’d do if they tried to talk to her before she was ready, before she’d found control of herself.

The isolation was also protection for the others, the people who were simply trying to live their lives. After the theatre, she had been made aware that her Force wave had caused a mild quake which left a man badly injured after a bookcase had toppled and fallen on him. Rose assured her he was okay; he would heal in time with no serious damage. But still, Rey had hurt one of the people she had promised to protect.

There was no way to know when another episode would strike, when people would be in danger again. At least on this near empty island, the only thing she could hurt was grass.

Rey’s walk took her down familiar paths, her feet carrying her without express instructions from her mind. It was nice, not having to think, and she enjoyed the different landscape she travelled through (grass being her obvious favourite). She decided that on her way backs she would take off her boots to feel the grass between her toes. 

About to turn back, her feet stopped, a familiar sense of cold washing over her. This cold was more than skin deep; she could feel it in her bones, in her soul. It was the cave. The place she had been before, that promised answers and yet gave her nothing but a cold and the sniffles. She took a few steps closer to the entrance, a large cavern with a straight drop. There was water down there, but it was too dark to see.

Same as the last time she had been drawn to the place, she felt a pull into the cave. But this time instead of answers about her parents, it offered something else. Perhaps understanding.

Cautiously and curiously, Rey got down onto her knees, the rocks poking into her skin. She placed her hands on the edge of the cliff and carefully leaned forward. Suddenly, an invisible hand shoved her, causing her to tumble into the darkness. She hit the water with a thundering splash that echoed through the cave. Even though she had known what to expect, she breeched the surface of the water with a gasp and flailed towards the edge where she hoisted herself back on to solid ground.

Soaking wet, she pulled off her surface layers of clothing, hoping it would help her to regain warmth and maybe even stop shaking. She left a trail of fabric in her wake as she walked carefully towards a solid, shiny stone wall. The last time she had been here she had sought the truth of her parentage. And now she stood before it once again, having learned that knowledge another way, seeking different answers.

The stone was cold beneath her hand and sent a shiver through her body. Even though the surface was cold, she could feel an energy radiating behind it. Almost vibrating. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath, searching through the Force for the power to pull out the answers she needed.

“Be with me…” She whispered, her heartbeat already thundering in her ears. She hoped the power of the Jedi would give her the strength she needed to find her answers. To pull them from the darkness.

“Be with me…” Her voice grew louder, and she placed another hand on the wall. She could feel her answers being pulled to the surface. An answer to why she still felt so hollow after all of this time.

“Be with me.” Ben had found peace, so why did his death haunt her so? Shouldn’t she have felt closure if he had met his true destiny?

“Be with me!” She shouted one final time, her eyes still squeezed shut and her whole body shaking with emotion.

“Please…?” Her final word slipped from her mouth with a sob. She had barely noticed the hot tears streaming down her face. There was silence for a moment. Deafening silence that echoed all around her. And then a warmth spread across the stone under her hand. The same warmth as when you touch someone’s hand through transperisteel. Rey was afraid to open her eyes. She was afraid of what she would see if she did. And terrified of what would happen if there was nothing.

Without warning, a familiarly low, rumbling voice filled her head. Only three words. But they were enough.

“I’m with you…”


End file.
